This is especially the case when we see our parents aging. What should you do when you realize that your parents are expecting too much from you?
Retirement is a big deal for older generations. Some may want their children to take care of them until they die. This means that they expect their kids to support them after they retire.
When you realize that your parents expect too much from you, you need to prepare yourself mentally.
If you’re ready to handle the situation, then you can discuss your plans with them. However, sometimes you might feel comfortable with your aging parent’s expectations.
If this is the case, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 things you can do when your aging parents expect too much.
How To Tell If Your Parents Expect Too Much
Before we look at the tips to help deal with aging parents who expect too much, let us look at how you are able to tell that your parents expect too much.
One of the biggest signs that your parents are expecting too much from you is that you feel stressed because of your parents.
Of course, parents are sometimes the cause of our stress, but if the frequency of them causing your stress has increased then this is a clear sign.
Signs of being stressed can include having thoughts about your parents asking for too much from you. There may also be physical signs of stress, such as panic attacks.
They Are Constantly Contacting You
This is something that only you can judge.
Many parents tend to ring their sons and daughters frequently, but if you feel that this has become unbearable for you, they might be expecting too much from you.
They Are Impacting Your Life Negatively
A clear sign that your parents are expecting too much from you is that your parents are negatively impacting your life in terms of work and your social life.
If you are finding that you are having trouble with taking time out of work to help them or having to cancel plans with your friends due to your parents, your parents might be expecting too much.
Realizing that your parents are expecting too much from you is the first step in being able to solve this issue.
Talk To Them
This might be harder than it sounds, but when you notice that your aging parents are expecting too much from you, it is best to have a conversation with them.
You can ask them what they expect from you in terms of money, time, etc. It is also important to talk to them about how you feel about the situation.
During this conversation, it is important that you communicate clearly about the situation you are in. This helps to avoid any issues that you may encounter in the future.
Listen To Them
As important as it is to talk to them, it is equally important to listen to them. Your parents will probably tell you what they expect from you.
They might even give you some advice on how you can help them.
It is important that you pay attention to what they say. After all, they know better than anyone else what they need.
By listening to them, you can get a clearer picture of what it is they want and how you can meet their expectations.
Create Boundaries
During this time it is important to create boundaries that they are aware of.
For example, if your parents are constantly calling you when you are at work or whenever you are busy, you can agree for them to call you only if it is an emergency during these hours.
This way, you will not have to worry about them when you are at your job.
Of course, if the boundaries you set do not work you may need to prioritize yourself. In other words, you may need to ignore any calls if they are causing you stress and anxiety.
Get Professional Help
You may find it hard to ignore your parents’ demands. If you feel like you cannot handle the situation anymore, then it is best to seek professional help.
A therapist can help you understand the situation better. He or she can also provide you with strategies to cope with the situation.
It also might be a good idea to hire some people to help take care of your parents.
When you feel as though your parents are expecting too much from you and you can no longer meet their expectations, professional caregivers can help with this.
This way your parents will not need to come to you for all the things they need help with as there will be someone there who does that for them.
You can get people to help with their shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. The list goes on.
There are many ways to make sure that your parents are taken care of while still meeting your own needs.
Ask Family And Friends For Help
If you are having trouble coping with your parents’ expectations, you can turn to family and friends for support. Ask them to help out by doing certain chores around the house.
For example, you could ask other members of your family to visit your parents to check in on them when you cannot.
Similarly, if your parents keep asking you to buy groceries for them, you can ask a friend or relative for help.
Talk To Your Parent’s Doctor
When you feel like you are running out of options, you should talk to your parent’s doctor. You can explain to him or her the situation you are in and ask for his or her opinion.
Your doctor can advise you on whether you should seek professional help or not. They can also assess your parents’ condition to see if they need extra care.
Treat Your Parents Like Adults
When our aging parents need us to help care for them, we have a tendency to not treat them as adults.
You should remember that your parents are adults and that your approach to this situation should reflect that.
Aging parents have a tendency to expect too much from their sons and daughters, so when you end up taking care of them, you may not treat them the same way you used to.
In order to avoid any conflicts or feeling like you cannot talk to them, you need to remember that they are adults.
Put Things In Place
Whilst it is important to still treat them like adults, you need to also make sure there are things in place for you to be able to make important decisions.
If your parents are suffering from a disorder such as Alzheimer’s, you need to make sure you have the power to make decisions in terms of their help.
You can do this by being the power of attorney over their health or even important financial decisions.
It is important to have the law behind you so that you can deal with their expectations as well as not feel overwhelmed by them.
Negotiate With Your Parents
It is very easy to become frustrated with your parents because they expect too much from you. However, it is important to try and negotiate with them.
If you know what they want, then you can work together to find something that works for both of you.
For instance, a lot of the expectations you might not be able to meet is visiting them as frequently as they would like. So as a solution to this, create a plan as to when you can visit them.
This way they feel as though you are meeting their expectations when it comes to helping, but it also fits your needs.
Take A Moment For Yourself
Having demanding parents can put a lot of stress on people. So, when you feel as though things are becoming too hard to handle, take a moment for yourself.
What we mean by this is don’t lash out at your parents, remove yourself from the situation for a moment. This will give you a chance to have a bit of empathy for their situation.
It can be extremely hard to see things from their perspective but by allowing yourself time to think, you can react logically.
Final Thoughts
As mentioned earlier, having an aging parent who expects too much from you can be stressful. It might often feel very frustrating not being able to deal with their demands.
But, if you follow these tips, you can hopefully manage to keep your sanity intact whilst dealing with their demands.
We hope that these tips have helped you find a way to deal with your aging parents’ expectations.
Please share this with others who also may benefit from learning about these tips. Thank you for reading!
Hi, my name is Eddie Lamb and I am passionate about teaching people how to care for the elderly at home. The debate on nursing homes is a fierce one, and in my experience, I have found that older people would prefer to remain in their own homes.
I have previously worked in a nursing home as a trained carer for 15 years. As you can imagine, I was able to talk to countless residents within the home and get to know them on a personal level.
I hope that you’ll find something of use on my website. I would love to think that I have helped just one older person remain at home, where they feel the happiest, during their final years.
